Past

Staying up watching a documentary about the space program. From my childhood.

Where did the time go? Why didn't I enjoy my adventures more? Or maybe I did, but in retrospect, it's lost in the blur of days, weeks, months and decades.

Did I really "live" through that? Did I really experience watching men walk on the moon? Did I really hear my 6th grade teacher tell us that President Kennedy had been shot?

What was it like when everyone saw me only as a little boy? What was it like to "be" a boy? I can't remember...but then again, I never really knew.

The first time I felt anything like what I imagine boys feel was when I...ummm....well, sort of had my first sexual experience. I was alone.

Even then, it wasn't something I felt right about. It was something of a nightmare. Girls did not have THAT happen to their bodies. It was then I finally realized I wasn't going to simply grow up to be a girl. That was when the prayers for a magical happy ending...ended.

Where did it all go? Why have I led the life I have? What have I forgotten, and what do I remember...and how did I choose which was which?

These are the things I think about late at night. These are the questions that keep me going day after day. Is there something ahead of me that will utilize these past experiences? Is there something that will let me know my life has mattered in some way?

I don't know. But I believe I will find those answers.

I sense that your life has been filled with many of these same questions regarding the past. I believe that your present is the brick and mortar for the treasure of a life that you are building.